it’s a complicated stack of thoughts
or if I would precisely define it to you,
they are the questions never answered,
though they seem to be thoughts too…
Isn’t it too complicated in itself?
the ‘what-if’ thing…
this thought / question unsettles me a lot,
destroying my peace and leaving me insecure.
What if I told you everything about myself?
Would you run away?
Run away forever so that you don’t have to face me ever again?
Or would you stay a little while,
to listen to my feelings?
Would you give me your precious time to understand my sufferings?
Or would you freak out hearing things about me?
Would you say something?
Or would you at least think about it?
What if the time has been ours?
What if we were still together?
that it wouldn’t have been very hard for you
to see me with my cracked perfections all through life,
that you just needed to give everything a chance,
that you just needed to give us a fair chance.
What if all my days and nights of hoping and praying
and wishing on stars and eyelashes paid off?
What if you actually felt the same way?
What if, I told you that I still fall for you a little more each day?
What if I told you about all of my scars?
The ones that can be healed but only if you are here with me.
About the darkest and coldest sides of me,
where stars cannot shine and sun cannot burn?
What if I told you about all the anger,
that my heart is beholding for so many months?
What if I told you about my tear stained pillow,
that happen every night while in a constant battle?
A war between my heart and my brain…
A war between remembering and forgetting.
What if I told you about my situations?
When nothing makes me happier
and nothing makes me sadder.
The circumstances of complete
loneliness and feeling lost.
What if I told you about all of my fears?
my cravings and my dreams
and this tangled up nostalgia for the past
and somehow, the future,
my nightmares and my screams
of what was
what could’ve been
and what never will be ever again.
These are the thoughts that haunt me when I am alone,
when only I can think is about you.
If you only knew.
Thank you for reading!!!
Live. Laugh. Love.